4. Red Dawn (1984)

Patrick Swayze stars in this movie. Please take a moment of silence for Patrick wherever you may be.

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I don't know about you, but Swayze's death had way more of an impact on me than Michael Jackson's, probably because of my intimate relationship with this movie and another great one of his called Ghost, which co=starred Whoopi Goldberg. Plus, Jackson, talented and amazing as he was, had been dying for years. First black, then white, then dead. (Or you at least gotta say he had been looking "kind of pale" lately.) Swayze's character is dead almost all of Ghost. He plays a man trying to communicate with his lover, who is still alive and mourning, with the help of Whoopi Goldberg, who plays a woman with the ability to contact the dead -- or at least fakes it -- until she literally starts seeing and hearing Swayze as if he were alive. He bugs the shit out of her... (white dudes bothering 30+ black women is a common theme of life.) It's a hilarious, touching flick, with an almost 6th Sense feel at times (think 6th Sense plus Sister Act 2.) I saw Ghost for the 2nd time and Swayze passed on about a week later.

Red Dawn takes place in the aftermath of World War III. Yes, Three. Russian Communists (with the help of Cubans) attack the U.S. on our own soil and begin beating us by a landslide.

The film is such a keeper because it takes place on a small scale. This is not Saving Private Ryan. No epic, thousand-soldier battle scenes take place (although there is definitely plenty of guerrilla warfare type action,) and as the movie-watcher you have little idea as to what the rest of the world is up to, only Patrick and his friends as they fight for survival.

The film follows a group of high-schoolers who escape to the mountains (the movie takes place in the grandest wilderness of Colorado) as the Russians conquer more and more of the small town (and surrounding areas) in which the kids used to live. All the male characters in this group had been on their high school football team, called the Wolverines, and so the band of brothers (and two very cute sisters I might add) call themselves the Wolverines. They tag every tank they take out with their "team-name," and put fear into the hearts of the Russian Army, who know the rebellious kids by name.

And the Russians fear them indeed, even though they are but 8 to 12 kids hiding in mountains, attacking sporadically with Guerrilla warfare, just trying to survive what is realistically, a post-apocalyptic Colorado. And it especially seems like the end of the world in a place as rural and breath-taking as the one they roam, frighteningly ignorant of what the rest of the world is doing. You know only their story, similar to the way 28 Days Later is constructed... dare I say, realistically. You aren't shown a CIA computer displaying in clip-art who has control of what land -- you don't read a history of why everything happened as you might in a modern day flick.

This theme of modern movies telling us everything about what's going on -- leaving no stone unturned -- keeps coming up in my face. It seems today we feel uncomfortable leaving things up to our lazy imaginations. We have to see it all, know it all and, frankly, be God -- watching the movie from the Moon (where God obviously lives, which explains why he isn't around much, cause he's having too much fun golfing and fucking around with low-gravity, like we have so much fun playing Halo 2 feeling light-as-a-feather as we get fat and play Halo 2.) In Red Dawn, we are not God on the Moon. We are one of the gang. the Wolverines. Ex-football kids taking on the Russian army one tank at a time.

American, high-school age, football players vs. Russian Kommie bastards. How can you lose?

Some movies have a premise so good it seems like Tom Green, Andy Dick and Pauly Shore could all co-star and it would be great regardless (but I assure you Pauly Shore is nowhere to be seen, so go back to your Bio-dome, or better yet, go see In the Army Now if you want some of that dude up in your game.) Waterworld, the Kevin Costner epic about a post-apocalyptic world where there is no more dry land, has this same thing going for it... what a cool idea! I just want to see it, regardless of who wrote the script and who stars.

Disclaimer: I love Waterworld, but seeing as you may not, I promise this movie to be "better" than it.

Swayze and his rebellious buddies are shown several times actually taking a break from Kommie-killing and playing football in beautiful mid-west America. It always adds realism when happy things are shown in movies that could be all one depressing, overcast day. The kids playing football reminds me of the scene in 28 Days Later when they break into a store and go shopping, happily being the last people on Earth. There is something so gut-wrenchingly beautiful about people having fun post-Armageddon. I guess you would really need to let off some steam. You have to play football, End of Days (a great Shwartzeneggar ["Im da pardy poopah"] flick) or not. In fact if the world is ending it may indeed call for a game of tackle football in rural Colorado... without pads, don't tell mom or I'll steal all your friends.

At the end of the world (this isn't technically the end of the world, but it is in a lot of ways, for the Wolverines... families missing, no communication among survivors) everyone becomes a squatter, a punk -- a homeless, penniless soul living day by day and not expecting to live any longer. It is, in a lot of ways, a great dream. All of the sudden you realize how much it all means, fighting with your closest friends against people who killed your family, destroyed your way of life, your freedom and, in this case, your goddamn Ford-driving, Marlboro-smoking, gas eating, incredible America. You depend on each-other, you love each-other, you need each-other. You learn by failing, you adapt because you have to. I think there is a part of us (me, at least) that wants things to be this way; you have to spend your day finding food and water, not figuring out how to best schedule flossing into an already busy day of sucking government dick and generally being a flamer of the modern post-hallucinogenic, prescription drug saturated world. It's the dream of being an animal -- a Wolverine, if you will.

The theme of the small, unlikely gang attacking the powerful, gigantic army, and actually doing some damage (at least morale-wise) is a popular one. In the new Tarantino film Inglorious Basterds (I cannot stress enough how good it was,) a small band of Americans puts fear in the eyes of the Nazis (and Hitler himself.) In this great old, maybe mid-60's, movie I cant for the life of me remember the name of, a group of soldiers all to be either hanged or jailed for life for crimes of war is selected to go on what is basically a suicide mission in WWII. It is always great to see the little guy doing some damage. How bout the Revolutionary War? (which for some reason I still feel great about winning. Probably because the Revolutionary War, in one respect, could be seen as the Colonies going "We hate your accents and are breaking away from you to get rid of them, y'all sound like you got various fruits in your butts, and we really don't get why you spell color with a "u." we also are sick of tea, tea time, and cricket. we're working on a new game which is similar to cricket but, I'm sorry "old chap," has no tea-time scheduled into the game, tea-related rules, references to going off to "University" [translated to American it means something along the lines of our word "college" -- I looked it up,] or involvement with using the word "then" at the end of a sentence, like in the British example sentence "Cup of tea, then?" It makes no sense to end a sentence with "then," and it almost seems passive aggressive to do so.)

But I digest.

The Wolverines could probably live forever, hiding in the mountains of the mid-west, eating off the land, and avoiding Kommies; but the film really gets interesting when they realize it just wouldn't be right to do so forever. They decide they they need to face-the-music* and get back at the force that has ruined their world (their football team before the war was probably amazing, and if the several girls in the gang are any example, the women in this town were mighty fine looking. One of them is played by the mother of Marty in Back to the Future, and she's a total hottie, which must have been confusing for Marty, being her son and all.)

*Sidenote: I have recently taken an interest in the saying "face the music." First, let's use it in a sentence (in American): "I had dreams of being a professional flautist, but I had to face the music." Shouldn't the expression be more of something like "turn off the music"? Why does facing reality, biting the bullet, as they say, have to mean FACING the music? And okay, assuming it does make sense in that respect, why is the music a negative thing that we must face? Bah, goddamn big brother newspeak Kommunist bullshit.

Red Dawn is perfect for the Kommie-hating American, and even more perfect for the Kommie-hating America-loving anarchist.

In short, the way Red Dawn leaves the viewer realistically ignorant of the world state in WWIII, juxtapizzozed (that's gangsta for "compared to when next to each-other") with Patrick Swayze's ability to play a leader, football player and high-school kid, make Red Dawn a classic for anybody with a goddamn soul.

Endnotes:

Similar movies: 28 Days Later, Saving Private Ryan, the Dirty Dozen (referred to above as the movie whose title i cant, for the life of me, think of, props to ma Mom on that,) Inglorious Basterds, and Suburbia

Other Swayze favorites of mine: Ghost (Whoopi!) and Point Break (with Keanu Reeves as a surfer! "dude, brah... that new dude Neo is, like, totally gettin' gnarly height on some waves! it's almost like he can control shit with his miiinnddd."

("Brahhhhh! You're totally the one! Bodacious!")

givin' up,

ALEC of LAND