[est'd. 2009 A.D.]

Thursday, September 9, 2010

22. Happy Birthday to Me (1981)

this movie was pretty fucking awesome. members of "the top 10", the richest kids at the richest prep school circa 1981 (in canada? i think this movie's canadian... they're all in highschool and they all drink beer... so... i'm thinking... well whatever...) start getting murdered one by one in the most entertaining and gory ways imaginable. deaths so ridiculous you have to laugh but not cartoonish enough to not squirm. they give everyone a motive to kill just about everyone else and there are so many good fake-outs and tripping balls moments you can't quite put it together... and the twist at the end is truly bizarre.

the budget for this isn't that bad. they wreck a few good cars, have some truly cinematic shots, stage a disco party, there's buckets of blood delicious blood...

y'all should see this one. curtis from alien father got it from best buy for a mere $5. SLASH IT UP.

Saturday, July 3, 2010

21. Jesus' Son (1999)

drugs, booze and cute girls dancing to 60s hits. deranged sped-up sock-hop. sweet ass on purple pants and turqoiuse nipples. blue balled on a horse farm. this is a movie about a guy everyone calls FuckHead. do us both a favor & rest, in peace. don't look too close. heroin in the morning with the morning cartoons. that's not even your kitchen. he just wants some cornflakes. much simpler process. kid friendly process, not one that most adolescents couldn't pull off. dancing octopus. holiday in long term. somebody shot somebody. vw bug like a german toy car gettin rust in the american country. style and function. throw the dead guy out of the car? probably should. FUCKHEAD. lousy birthday. everybody needs an upright piano in their home and all those who HAVE one and don't play it should donate it to some junkies and hear their songs. junkie chicks who puke WILL TURN ON YOU and then you're out. two feet get you pretty far. how far have you walked? steal a car! use the jukebox at the diner. waitresses never forget. wayne shakes. money. dope. nodding out. making money. "you know you're bleeding from the nose?"
new jersey's so dense. pennsylvania sucks...
even more frontier, where this must take place - with lower income. more practical people by heart, by brain muscle memory. rip the copper out the walls.

THIS MOVIE HAS ONE OF MY FAVORITE SONGS OF ALL TIME IN IT WHILE BILLY CRUDUP SWINGS A HAMMER DANCING AROUND A ROOM with trippy old wallpaper. PUKE. "all this work is messin with my high can't we find an easier way to make a dollar?"
and then some absurd. and then some straight. the man in the cowboy hat and the moustache means seriousness.
and then... JOE TEX - THE LOVE YOU SAVE MAY BE YOUR OWN (way before they used it in Death Proof)

i mean it baby -- through the rain and the desert. who are you? i'm the soul for your soul. i'm your man. now meet Jack Black the orderly, often stealing pills from the cabinet. what's he gonna do about those shoes squitching? stabbed in the eye with a steak knife? really? woooah. rhetorical questions from the nervous nelly in charge cause he's LIMITED. patient complains of knife to the head. stabbing headache? but back to the popping pills all night in the hospital. in the hospital. while you're working. here's ANOTHER movie where jack black gets to say "I save lives." wilco. "she begs me not to miss her"ambiance happening... dope fiends are romantic too. they can be mad cute too. maybe that's their problem. perhaps it's related. JAMES BROWN REFERENCE. "i wanna go to church" "you should go to the county fair"

this isn't one of those movies about drugs where it's about how shitty the drug makes you feel and the vomiting and all that. it's not dramatized with heavy orchestras synchronized to the belt and the spoon and the needle and the squirt and the high. it's not as simple as "aaaah dat junkie did himself in" law & order shot of a OD'd corpse. it's not about the sad junkie ruining his life. it's not even about fiending, or withdrawal. it's past that.. we've seen it. we're building relationships here. the audience with the characters and between the characters themselves. we're having good times popping hospital pills! driving aimlessly! we will continue to have good times and raise these baby rabbits! not morbidly beautiful LOOKING things... talkin straight up beautiful things happening. it snows a lot in the movie, but not all the time. it just SEEMS like it snows a lot. WE'RE TAKIN' THIS DAY BY DAY.

fingertips all yellow from smoking. and everything DickHead touch turns to shit. then he musta laid a pinkyfinger on his optimism. SNAP. the turningpoint(s). maybe this IS gonna be a bad drug movie about how shitty drugs are. i think i've seen this before. does it always have to end this way? well we're not there yet... and obviously he was supposed to be tripping mushrooms to zeppelin right now but they totally couldn't get the rights so it's that lame movie thing where they substitute with some bs. now the movie looks like it's just going to disappoint... but then..... DENNIS HOPPER. with bulletholes in his cheeks. makin friends in rehab, makin friends at AA. and it all comes around. at least in nondisappointmentsway.

ANYWAYS. I recommend it. It's a pretty good one. It feels good too. here's the trailer ::

Thursday, July 1, 2010

20. Naked Lunch (1991)

this is a film based on a book i haven't read by william s. burroughs (apparently the S is significant... i call bullshit...)

the (semi-autobiographical?) protagonist Bill, who's something like a junkie Tom Waits with less gravel in his voice, played by Robocop from Robocop 2 apparently, winds up in I THINK north(?) Africa after he plays a game of William Tell with his wife and shoots her in the head (for the first time at least). his wife was shooting up yellow bug killing powder like heroin (Bill had a stable job killing bugs) and he gets hooked on that before getting hooked on BLACK MEAT (think giant non-existant black centipedes unsanitarilly pumped through a meat grinder lookin like diseased ground beef then dried up, powderized and injected.) Will trips face running from the cops after getting detained and talking for a while with a giant beetle that spreads its wings to reveal its mouth-orifice (yeah, it talks) which looks more like a big hairy anus than a mouth.

the beetle with the anusmouth returns again later as his talking type-writer and officer to report to for the seemingly non-existent Interzone (which is some kind of agency Bill has to report to via this talking anus beetle typewriter, and is also what Bill refers to his new locale in Africa). Interzone the PLACE (which is really a town in Africa) is a haven for arabs with typewriters, drug manufacturers and incredibly rich (or at least relative to the African economy) white folks who like to have sex with young arab boys (lots of homosexual undertones, and as it progresses, overtones).

it doesn't make a whole lot of sense. I've heard the book makes even less sense. it's directed by David Cronenburg (eXistenZ, the Fly with Jeff Goldblum) so as you can imagine, there's some insane leaking disturbingly human fleshy pussing spitting dripping sexualized bugs and mugwump alien being things.

this is really a story about a writer who pursues an extreme diet of drugs that may not even exist in the fictionworld of "Naked Lunch" and most probably not in our real world either. He's tripping on drugs not yet synthesized. He's tripping on drugs that he made up in his own head because he's tripping so hard. He trips so hard on irrelevant things that he forgets writing his book, also titled "Naked Lunch." but he's written it. and he's got to stay in Interzone to finish it -- hopefully before he hallucinates another game of William Tell or loses any lasting grip on reality.

I watched this movie sober. here's the trailer ::

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

19. Rush, Solitary Man, Falling Down

Rush (1991)
i was in tre(n)-eh very early in the morning yesterday being the opposite of the Man in all sorts of mannish glory & when i came home mid-afternoon I had the pleasure of catching this silly fucking movie on the cable television before crashin hard (livin with parents gets that "rich people tv")

actually, it's not very silly. it's pretty fucked. people fuck up. people die. people do drugs! people die because of drugs. people go undercover and do too many drugs. all the drugs. they buy all the drugs. they do ups and downs and they try to catch Gregg Allman. he was the one who fucked Cher in the 80s, right? at least until shit starts to seriously go down it's too cheesy to really worry about the characters. it's 80s cheesy. except i think it came out in the early 90s. yeah. 1991. let's edit this post title. there we go.

so there's Corey Haim's older brother in Lost Boys looking like the bearded avaiator-ed Joaquin Phoenix (wasn't that supposed to be some undercover movie prank bullshit happening sometime with some kind of little Affleck involved? what happened to THAT movie?) except more 80s, then there's Allega from eXistenZ (read Alec's droolings about that one here) bein all Jodie Foster except putting dope in her arm as part of her police duties instead of catching buffalo bill and whatnot. and not as dykey. totally cuter.

did i mention Gregg Allman's in it? how stupid is that? this is a great pic for a mid afternoon hot summer day. It's set in the south. Texas south. just be sure to leave some daylight buffer so you don't disappear into the night with thoughts of withdrawl. The only downside to this movie is that Eric Clapton did the soundtrack (a very poor decision, even & especially for 1991) and there's a terrible terrible instantiation of 'Tears in Heaven' that just makes you go "wow, this is really... really... really... terrible." It pretty much ruins the entire movie. then you realize that Sam Elliott plays Dodd, the mofo police boss. and Sam Elliott was the narrator in the Big Lebowski. the goddamn stranger. and he was in Mask! not the Jim Carrey one. not the sequel(s?)... the one with CHER and the kid with the fucked up face. ROCKY DENNIS 4 LYFE. but seriously... fuck Eric Clapton.

trailer ::

Solitary Man (2010)
after my nap and some outdoor laxing, i spontaneously walked into a small theater and saw this one. total butterlap. Michael Douglas plays an old man who fucks a different woman every night and tries to hide his age from all the 18 year olds he lures into his bed. you don't see MD naked, which is a plus. He had a lot of money, now he doesn't, but i think he's got a pretty good outlook on life... whether or not it's healthy. he comes around in all the necessary ways, his logic is irrefutable, and stable healthy less-sexually-deviant people (ex. his daughter, who's played by Pam from the Office. fuck the british one) start fuckin with his shit because they're MAD JEALOUS. or however you want to interpret it. and the bank bro starts fuckin with his shit cause all the sudden he isn't making bank. and you know what MD tells em? he interrupts the bro as he seals the deal on a milf for the night from across the room then tells the bank bro to go fuck himself. he wakes up with the milf's clothes all over his pad and the milf milfin all over and he's like GTFO, DUMBASS. the fall of the honest car salesman. he does a good job in it, but christ is it depressing in the weirdest of ways. WHY CAN'T WE ALL LIVE AS RECKLESSLY. oh, and Danny DeVito's in it saving mikey's ass and makin sandwiches all over the place. yknow that milf from Weeds? she's in it. MD makes that situation a FAMILY AFFAIR. oh snap. yeah, it's crazy. Imogen Poots is involved. and i didn't even know she existed, but she's got a real fuckin giggleworthy name and is mad cute to boot.

but really you should just skip this one and go watch Falling Down. Here's that trailer instead... ::

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Sunday, February 7, 2010

18. Hope You Enjoyed Intermission, Brothers and Sisters

Hello everyone. Sorry i haven't made a post in a long-ass time but i've been detoxing from DRUGS... and i don't mean ibuprofin! or motrin, tylenol, acetaminophen, or advil. (or aleve.) i won't tell what i do mean, in case i relapse and ask you for some! i've been learning to live sober! and let me tell you.. it's killing me!! talk about irony! ironing?! no! irony!

but. all i've been doing is watching movies. so lemme bang out a bunch (like an angry orgy in a field of wildflowers):

1. District 9 (2009) A

This was one of the best sci-fi movies i've scene since i saw Alien in 5th grade and didn't sleep for weeks. (and, now that you mention it, due to detox, i watched district 9 and then slept for several weeks...)
Millions of aliens end up stranded on earth. The government puts them all in one place... District 9.
It starts out almost like Borat... it's funny and silly and ridiculous and has that same hand-held camera style going for it (which works well with the CGI Aliens, who in many films look fake due to the camera's insistence on them being the focus), but District 9 finishes with just as much intensity as when Ripley goes back for Newt at the end of Aliens. (and if you dont understand this reference, fucking suck my dick, you uncool piece of shit*)

* I shat a white turd about a month ago. (I KID YOU NOT, WHITE). I christened it "The White Widow". I also decided to stop doing drugs for a while.**
**And, ya know, it's funny... it was right adjacent to a perfectly normal brown turd. the two of them just sat there in the toilet looking at eachother for a while. It was beautiful... a post-race world, all in one bowl.
i shed a white tear and wiped.

District 9 really did rock my world... no one famous in it, action, comedy without jokes (i fucking hate jokes.)

2. Pineapple Express (2008) D -

Couldn't even get though this one. It sucked my dick with teeth. It had too many "jokes". FUCK STONER HUMOR. WHAT HAPPENED TO GETTING STONED AND WATCHING APOCALYPSE NOW? AND, YES... MAYBE... LAUGHING AT IT (between tears and moans of horror.)

3. Apocalypse Now (1979) A

Easy there... of course i had already seen it. but i rewatched the directors cut and... shit goddamn, just watch it. Completely immersing. Laurence Fishburne is in it at like age 18. (In the credits he is "Larry Fishburne".) How did he turn into morpheus? Whoda thunk it? First an actor and then a leader of the revolution against the robots in the REAL WORLD!
Anyway. Vietnam, the Doors soundtrack, playmates, and just a lot of fucked up shit in a war we should have never been a part of... just like all other wars... (please watch Zeitgeist, if you believe we should have been involved in any war since the civil one)

4. Zeitgiest, the Movie (2007) A -

Incredible documentary. There is no God, and we are being turned into slaves by the media, the government and it's lies, rich white men, banks, and motherfuckers who just want power. it will explain better than i can, especially in my sad state of meat-eating, agitated, unsure, horny, hopeless, faggity, sobriety.

5. Avatar (2009) B

I hate having to use these words but... ok, if i'm gunna be a sober fuckass anyway... "amazing cgi". i give it a B. characters were all pretty 1 dimensional. But, i'm not gunna lie, i wanted to bang the chick Alien creature for SURE. DAT ASS WAS MOS DEF CGI SUPREME 3D BOOTYBOOTY. Worth seeing. First movie i saw in 3D. Eyes hurt, wished i had acid. Father found this amusing.

6. The Tracey Fragments (2007) C +

Ellen Page (that girl from that movie Smart People which is okay but mostly i just looked up ellen page cause i want to bang her then saw this movie in her resume)
In this movie she's 15 and totally INDIE ROCK and sad and self-loathing!!!! i know you all love that INDIAN ROCK shit i see on the MTV. what? theres no indian rock on MTV? then what's with all them colored people and their tribal songs?
I even gave it a C+... a totally indie rock grade.

sidenote* i am sorry i am talking so much about banging this and banging that... it's the sobriety... it's giving me a woody!

Anyway, The Tracey Fragments is cool.

7. Doubt (2009) A -

Philip Seymour Hoffman is fucking incredible in everything he is in. This one is no exception. He is a priest accused of touching a boy. Please watch. No, this one did not make me horny.

Although that younger nun was kinda hot.

8. Happiness (1998) B +

The Hoff is in this one too (i have been off drugs and bingeing on Hoff instead... not to mention the online RPG Diablo 2, a habit i had kicked since the 8th grade, THANKS SOBRIETY). it's a bunch of interweaving stories. the Hoff plays a lonely loser.

9. Boogies Nights (1997) B

Movie bout the porno industry in the 70's. Hoffs in this one too.. as a loser... (Hoff Hoff Hooray!) Worth checking out. Sucked to watch when detoxing, everyone is always doing blow.


I wil maybe do some more posts like this if i'm feelin funky in the future. keep your dicks hard your abs hard, your balls moistened and your fingers on the nipples. (YOUR MEATBALLS, FREAK.)

As you know, the future is funky,

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

17. The Fantastic Mr. Fox (2009)


The story for this film was written by Roald Dahl (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, James and the Giant Peach.)

Although the books were intended for children the movie is aimed at the young adults that had the opportunity to enjoy the book years ago. The humor is most definitely aimed at adults, many of the motifs could never be understood by children. For example, Mr. Fox and his wife have a turbulent relationship because although he is a father and a husband, he is a wild animal (sounds a bit like Where the Wild Things Are). Mr. Fox is a clever little guy, quick witted, and sneeeaaakky and ends up getting himself and his family into some dangerous hi jinx while trying to live out his wild side. It's a "family man" story too but really wonderfully portrayed, almost "anti".

All of the animals, dressed in modern clothing, attempt to civilize themselves. All of the underground/forest community aknowledge their animal nature but strive for the civil life.

Lets step away from this story line for a second. It doesn't really matter. Aside from the heartwrenching realization that they ARE animals, everything is fluff ... adorable, humurous, giggly fluff..
What REALLY matters is the stop motion animation. This movie is amazing to look at, every thing you see is a miniature and every setting places you in somewhere wonderful. The Wallace and Grommit movies are just as amazing, visually.

All of the puppets, props, sets, are small scale designs, every frame individually controlled in order to replicate a motion picture. COME ON,--- THAT IS AMAZING.

Every twitch of the ear, grin, wink of the eye done by Badger (Bill Murray), Mr. Fox( Clooney), Ash (Jason Shwartzman) Kristofferson (Eric Anderson) has been individually manuvered.
All of the voice overs are outdoor recordings, and all of the audio comes from natural sounds. Which is efffective in bringing the animation to life.
Basically, i need not say more.
if you just want to see something beautiful, go for it.
hate it, if you want.
want to call something "pussy shit"?, go ahead.
want to love nature? instinct? go.
wanna laugh alot? especially at the opossum superintendent. go.

-K. Hall