[est'd. 2009 A.D.]

Sunday, February 7, 2010

18. Hope You Enjoyed Intermission, Brothers and Sisters

Hello everyone. Sorry i haven't made a post in a long-ass time but i've been detoxing from DRUGS... and i don't mean ibuprofin! or motrin, tylenol, acetaminophen, or advil. (or aleve.) i won't tell what i do mean, in case i relapse and ask you for some! i've been learning to live sober! and let me tell you.. it's killing me!! talk about irony! ironing?! no! irony!

but. all i've been doing is watching movies. so lemme bang out a bunch (like an angry orgy in a field of wildflowers):

1. District 9 (2009) A

This was one of the best sci-fi movies i've scene since i saw Alien in 5th grade and didn't sleep for weeks. (and, now that you mention it, due to detox, i watched district 9 and then slept for several weeks...)
Millions of aliens end up stranded on earth. The government puts them all in one place... District 9.
It starts out almost like Borat... it's funny and silly and ridiculous and has that same hand-held camera style going for it (which works well with the CGI Aliens, who in many films look fake due to the camera's insistence on them being the focus), but District 9 finishes with just as much intensity as when Ripley goes back for Newt at the end of Aliens. (and if you dont understand this reference, fucking suck my dick, you uncool piece of shit*)

* I shat a white turd about a month ago. (I KID YOU NOT, WHITE). I christened it "The White Widow". I also decided to stop doing drugs for a while.**
**And, ya know, it's funny... it was right adjacent to a perfectly normal brown turd. the two of them just sat there in the toilet looking at eachother for a while. It was beautiful... a post-race world, all in one bowl.
i shed a white tear and wiped.

District 9 really did rock my world... no one famous in it, action, comedy without jokes (i fucking hate jokes.)

2. Pineapple Express (2008) D -

Couldn't even get though this one. It sucked my dick with teeth. It had too many "jokes". FUCK STONER HUMOR. WHAT HAPPENED TO GETTING STONED AND WATCHING APOCALYPSE NOW? AND, YES... MAYBE... LAUGHING AT IT (between tears and moans of horror.)

3. Apocalypse Now (1979) A

Easy there... of course i had already seen it. but i rewatched the directors cut and... shit goddamn, just watch it. Completely immersing. Laurence Fishburne is in it at like age 18. (In the credits he is "Larry Fishburne".) How did he turn into morpheus? Whoda thunk it? First an actor and then a leader of the revolution against the robots in the REAL WORLD!
Anyway. Vietnam, the Doors soundtrack, playmates, and just a lot of fucked up shit in a war we should have never been a part of... just like all other wars... (please watch Zeitgeist, if you believe we should have been involved in any war since the civil one)

4. Zeitgiest, the Movie (2007) A -

Incredible documentary. There is no God, and we are being turned into slaves by the media, the government and it's lies, rich white men, banks, and motherfuckers who just want power. it will explain better than i can, especially in my sad state of meat-eating, agitated, unsure, horny, hopeless, faggity, sobriety.

5. Avatar (2009) B

I hate having to use these words but... ok, if i'm gunna be a sober fuckass anyway... "amazing cgi". i give it a B. characters were all pretty 1 dimensional. But, i'm not gunna lie, i wanted to bang the chick Alien creature for SURE. DAT ASS WAS MOS DEF CGI SUPREME 3D BOOTYBOOTY. Worth seeing. First movie i saw in 3D. Eyes hurt, wished i had acid. Father found this amusing.

6. The Tracey Fragments (2007) C +

Ellen Page (that girl from that movie Smart People which is okay but mostly i just looked up ellen page cause i want to bang her then saw this movie in her resume)
In this movie she's 15 and totally INDIE ROCK and sad and self-loathing!!!! i know you all love that INDIAN ROCK shit i see on the MTV. what? theres no indian rock on MTV? then what's with all them colored people and their tribal songs?
I even gave it a C+... a totally indie rock grade.

sidenote* i am sorry i am talking so much about banging this and banging that... it's the sobriety... it's giving me a woody!

Anyway, The Tracey Fragments is cool.

7. Doubt (2009) A -

Philip Seymour Hoffman is fucking incredible in everything he is in. This one is no exception. He is a priest accused of touching a boy. Please watch. No, this one did not make me horny.

Although that younger nun was kinda hot.

8. Happiness (1998) B +

The Hoff is in this one too (i have been off drugs and bingeing on Hoff instead... not to mention the online RPG Diablo 2, a habit i had kicked since the 8th grade, THANKS SOBRIETY). it's a bunch of interweaving stories. the Hoff plays a lonely loser.

9. Boogies Nights (1997) B

Movie bout the porno industry in the 70's. Hoffs in this one too.. as a loser... (Hoff Hoff Hooray!) Worth checking out. Sucked to watch when detoxing, everyone is always doing blow.


I wil maybe do some more posts like this if i'm feelin funky in the future. keep your dicks hard your abs hard, your balls moistened and your fingers on the nipples. (YOUR MEATBALLS, FREAK.)

As you know, the future is funky,

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