9. The Legend of Hell House (1973)

Scary movies!!! The classic formula that's been done and re-done several hundred times. You'd think we'd all be entirely desensitized by the numerous failures... most horrors now-a-days borderline on hilarity without meaning to. But somehow, sometimes, films are made that truly terrify us. They frighten grown men. They cause an easy dreamer to have nightmares for nights on end. They're rare, but they exist. Ah-ha! And I found one: The Legend Of Hell House.

Trust my judgment or not, I'm sure everyone will put this movie as one of their top ten... might be a stretch but at LEAST they'll say it was "fucking great, man" and I mean.. at the least. Even though it's filled with the clichés and typical "meant-to-scare" situations, it has a hell of a twist and features many experiences with the paranormal that we all would prefer to think of as impossible but are displayed all too realistically here.

We all can imagine the classic blueprint for the haunted house :: beginning with the creaky front gate, it's a haunting dilapidated structure that casts a shadow over the overgrown landscape. Inside, it's a musky high-ceilinged mansion with cobwebs coating the chandelier and that mysterious covered furniture. But with The Legend of Hell House it is more than just a scary façade -- true forms of evil saturate every inch of the house. It is un-dead.

Let's note here that this movie didn't exactly have a huge budget. The special effects are limited, the cast is of no more than ten (including an animal...) but great things are possible, even with limited resources, when you have the right idea.

"What did he do to make this house so evil, Mr. Fischer?"
"Drug addiction, alcoholism, sadism, bestiality, mutilation, murder, vampirism, necrophilia, cannibalism, not to mention a gamut of sexual goodies... Shall I go on?"

Mr. Fischer, a timid physical medium that in some lights resembles the serious side of Jim Carrey, is referring to Mr. Belasco, who is of course the perverse original owner of the "Mount Everest of haunted houses" and he proves himself to be the epitome of all things twisted. You do not want him in your bedroom. Let's just put it this way :: a rich scientist wants to understand the bizarre force that the house exerts and so he sends some five specialists/guests to the hostile home -- one of which is an almost mad scientist that rejects all possibilities of the house being haunted by an actual personality... instead he thinks it's a case of bad energy. The fact that the snooty scientist attempts to textbook something so evil is almost humorous. Everyone but he can see that it is something much larger than them all and it's quicker, smarter, and most importantly it's aware of them. It's shapeless, faceless, damned to hell, and wants to fuck their day up. They can't even see it, they can't even fight it. It can be everywhere at once... truly inescapable. Victims must be had... it is, after all, a horror film.

These "experts" come armed with some fancy gadgets that might have been advanced for 1973 but to us they look like bulky, metallic, ancient toasters and washing machines.

In the midst of slamming doors, floating household objects, and a literal cat fight, we see the potential for this film to be just like the rest. But the film exceeds expectations in unexpected areas. It follows the guidelines for an average scary movie but takes the risks and dives necessary to make it one of the best.

What is going on? --- something frighteningly unseen, unknown, and ages old. It manages to electrify each and every single one of its visitors with physical phenomena like an uncontrollable seizure or, it could bring on a psychotic frenzy of nymphomania. It turns on the darkest parts of minds, turning its victims on to the evil. By paying them all visits it goes to every length to turn all of the guests against themselves, or each other.

We all want control over the way that we feel. You lose though -- you have no control what so ever. The shadowy unknowns come out -- the ones that have the power to entice, expose, defile, and kill you. It's like the house is teasing everyone with this "I can see you but you cant see me" type of (t/h)aunting. The whole purpose for them being there is to "figure it out" but truly, there isn't anything to figure out. It's just evil. Simple. It wants you scared... fucking mentally insane... it doesn't care who you are or what you want, it's an entirely separate force and will invade every sense, sensibility, and ounce of self-control you have. You have no chance. That is real terror. And that's what people get off on. This movie was filmed, scored, and written so well that we fear Mr. Bolasco coming to fuck with our own minds. It will, too. It'll get in a car, drive on over, and wreck havoc in your house and in your mind. The House on Haunted Hill, both the early and 1999 versions (along with other movies in the vein of haunted houses,) create prisons for its characters... they are all tortured by the trickery and evil of the environment. But with this film, it's not all about the characters, or all about the scary shit that happens to them. What matters is how it amazes you with its gigantic questions and horrors, takes you through the experience step by step. It brings out your own fears, your own basic instinct to escape, and then you are not laughing at the suckers stuck inside of the Hell House -- you empathize, sympathize, fear, and sweat for them.

All of the personal tensions amongst the strangers come from inconsistencies that science and spirituality constantly grapple over.

The force makes special friends with the mental medium -- a bright-eyed, naïve young girl who's also the best in her field. She's so average looking that she's beautiful... no one in the movies looks like that any more, sad fact. The house focuses the most energy on this girl. She becomes so involved with it that she sometimes seems to be on its side. Sometimes it seems like she's being played with, flirtatiously, almost like a game of chasing tail. Ms. Tanner has the most personal relationship with the spirit, and Ms. Tanner's whom it tourtures the most. Eventually, the force really gets into her. It not only possesses her, but begins to exist inside of her... eek, yes... inside of her. It comes to her at night. It comes to her more than once and attempts to frighten her, dominate her, and create in her mind a prison much more confined than the physical walls of the house.

It demands you sacrifice yourself to it. Give yourself to it and be damned to hell just like the tormented spirit that haunts the place. No amount of money could ever make me enter the Bolasco house.

In honor of the "day of the dead," Halloween, fright nights, October, and every farm ground that opens its doors to flocks of teenagers to enjoy their freak fest haunted house/hayride, I suggest everyone rent it, get comfortable in the safety of their potentially possessed homes, and get ready for the "fear from within..." because this thing will get in your mind.

Good luck.
k.